According to stats about 50% of marriages end in divorce and from the 50% that stay together only about half of those are actually happy together. They choose to continue to stay together for different reasons, children, culture, money, who knows….
I remember when I was still married I wondered about people who were unhappy but stayed in the marriage for the children. Is it worth it to sacrifice your life or a significant part of it in a loveless marriage for the children? I hear of people who stay together for over 20 years and then when the children are grown they break up. Some people in situations like these aren’t always faithful but were only pretending for the children. Could I do that? Well who knows we can do anything even when we don’t actually want to which is the case of most of those people. So the right question was did I want to do that? No!
So now after being a single mother for 4 years I have gotten a new perspective on the question. Is it worth staying in a loveless marriage for the children?
My answer is still a resounding NO! But…………. Because of the children and also the adults in the relationship it is however worth giving the marriage 100%. For the children and your selves equally it is worth doing anything possible to rekindle the love and making it work. (of course morally and ethically possible and also I am not speaking about relationships that involve certain deal breakers such as substance or physical abuse etc.)
Once people see and understand that love is actually a choice not just a feeling they will soon realize they can choose daily to do what they need to do to make love last. Also after living through separation and divorce and experiencing first hand the effects on the couple, the children (which will automatically extend to the grandchildren), the extended family, the friends, the finances and even on your legacy overall I know for sure giving your marriage your all is the better choice.
Yes one could argue that they know people who have moved on to second marriages and are happier and healthier than before. I am not arguing the possibility of that because obviously this is what I desire. Regardless how perfectly matched one may be in their second marriage does this always compensate for what values and lessons that were lost going through the whole process? It has now made divorce a new norm for the children involved hence increasing their odds of also getting divorced or maybe even choosing to not even get married, the time lost in travelling between homes assuming there is visitiation, the loss of interaction as a complete family unit, to name a few.
You are all worth the effort it takes to have a good marriage and family!
Ok to not end with doom and gloom, should divorce be your reality a lot of the effects can be corrected and reversed. I found the best solution is to be open with your children. You have to keep the lines of communication open. You need to regain their trust as people who make wise choices, especially after the poor one that was made to alter their family. You do have to do so though from a place of love and ideally after you are healed from any hurt there may be due to the end of the relationship. Children like everyone else need to see the consequence of choices. It can turn out to be a good example for them to see and understand the consequences of the decisions that you the parents made. And even when you are happily married in your second marriage that too will be a lesson to them.